Self Love for February: Read more.

Many of us want to read this year.  I just started my Good Reads challenge and set my goal to 24 books. Here’s a list of my favorite self help/ mental books of all time:

1.  CoDependant No More:  Melody Beattie

The OG self help book about codependency.  It is the book that I go back to with clients, and in my own personal life the most. I think people should read this book and then reread it every 5 years.   We tend to think of codependent people as someone married to someone struggling with addiction.  But, what is so helpful in this book is that CoDependency is defined as a person who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.  Examining how behavior is codependent is difficult freeing work.

2. Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD

 The New kid on the Block.  This book sheds light on what it is like to have a parent that is immature, unavailable or selfish and it affects you as an adult.  Focusing on freeing yourself of this pattern, and creating healthy relationships in your adult life today and releasing the pain of your childhood needs that were not met.

3. What Happened to You:  Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing: Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD and Oprah Winfrey

This is the most comprehensive trauma book that is reader friendly.  I know the Body Keeps the Score is the most popular title, but it’s a very technical read. “What happened to you?” is reader friendly and refrains the question from what’s wrong with you to what to you. It teaches readers how adverse childhood experiences affect you, and your health throughout your life.

4. Burn Out: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily Nagoski, PhD and Amelia Nagoski, DMA

 This is probably the second book I quote most to my clients.  Many of my clients are women, and the primary thing that they come to therapy for is burn out.  Feeling burnt out from their lives, relationships, and careers.  This book discusses the effect of burn out on ourselves, our sex lives, and our relationships and then how to release the feeling of burn out and end the stress cycle.

Ways to Reflect and Set Intentions for the New Year

It’s a New Year!   I’m not a huge fan of traditional New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe in self assessment in January. I enjoy thinking about what worked and what didn’t.  I encourage my clients to think about how they can assess and adjust to what is happening in their lives and think about what they want in the New Year. Whether you are a vision board person, a journaler, or have another way of putting your ideas for the New Year in front of you,  I think it’s helpful to see what you want and be able to reflect back on it.  

I love making vision boards because I'm a visual learner and enjoy seeing what I want. But you can totally turn this into a journal entry, a list in your notes app, or a brain map. I usually think about my new year in three areas: personal, relationships, and career.

Personal:  What do I want for myself this year?  Get specific. Self care is great, but what does that mean for you? Is it taking more time to read?  Incorporating movement into your life?  Taking a break from movement?  Getting out into nature more.  Travel. Taking time to think about what helps you to feel centered and at peace.  Do I want to incorporate more spirituality into my life?

Relationships:  How do I want to improve and grow the relationships in my life?  Do I want to be more present?  Do I need to reevaluate my boundaries with others?  Do I need to engage more with the people in my life and be more social?  Or is it time for me to pull back and create more balance between being social and being with myself?  Do I want to try new ways to meet other people?  Joining a book club, hiking club, cooking class, a local organization?  

Career:  What worked last year and what needs to be changed?  What can I delegate to others?  What is a dream I have for myself?  How can I succeed in the environment I’m in?  What do I need to change?  Can I treat my work as something separate from my identity?  How are my personal struggles affecting my ability to be productive at work?  

These are a few of my journaling/ vision board ideas for taking inventory and creating ideas for yourself in 2025.